What’s NLP got to do with Facebook?

Have you ever had the experience of wanting to learn something new, only to get stuck at the first hurdle? It’s as if you have to learn another language first.

Sailing is like this. There are so many words for the sails and parts of the boat. You can get stuck in your tracks before you begin.

I don’t know how to code, but this is similar too. Even knowing what computer programme language to learn first seems difficult as the titles are not easily understood without prior knowledge. 

The same is true with NLP. If you say ‘Neuro-Linguistic Programming’, what does that mean? A research paper in the International Psychology Coaching Review from 2016 identified 14 different definitions!

Perhaps, underneath the question, is wanting to know ‘What’s in it for me learning NLP?”

The clue is in Meta, the new holding name for Facebook, WhatsApp and Instagram. 

Meta was the first name given to the Gestalt experiential groups out of which NLP grew in California in the early seventies.

The word ‘meta’ is derived from Greek, meaning ‘looking down from above’. It’s like having another view of the world just as we do when we are flying. This is a key element of NLP, gaining multiple perspectives. 

In Richard Bandler’s book, Using More of Your Brain for a Change, he says that NLP helps you:

• choose whether or not you want to change

• have more choice over how you change

• know you can change your experience to get better results

That sounds impressive, and NLP is a powerful change technology; so much so that it needs to be used with care and safety in mind. This is what I enjoy about incorporating NLP into the therapeutic frame. Ethics is at the heart of what we do.

Therapy is also at the heart of NLP as the field is founded on the work of three exceptional change agents: Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy, Virginia Satir, family psychotherapist; and Dr Milton Erickson, psychiatrist and psychologist in medical hypnosis.

Another exceptional aspect of NLP is that the creators studied how these therapists communicated and elicited change. By studying in fine detail, ‘how do they do that?’ they developed a ‘model of the therapists’ model’. This meant they could teach others how to excel at communication because they had gained a detailed understanding of the therapeutic communication patterns and processes of change. The truest answer to ‘What is NLP?’ is, therefore, modelling. 

At its most basic level, this is how children learn: they copy. This is NLP’s external modelling. It’s like playing the game of ‘Simon Said’ where you follow the leader and do the action. This includes paying attention to how someone speaks and moves, including gestures and how the body holds its musculature. We all know, though, that when we’re stuck, behaving differently is not straightforward. Context-dependent, it could even put us at risk. 

In NLP, there’s also the inside game where you study the internalised beliefs and values of who you are modelling. You get to discover the hidden elements of what drives behaviour. This is the unseen aspect of change work, and in therapy we are interested in both of these worlds.

‘Modelling’ is the reason why NLP stays so applicable today. Even though it was developed in the seventies, it has such a contemporary application as it is all about the art of influence and persuasion in communication. 

Whilst NLP can be used to manipulate, understanding NLP, gives you back more control and power.